Physical type and emotional type, a personality type. Our mating instinct might not be quite that developed but, nature has programmed you with a romantic radar with astounding sensitivity to find just the right person to trigger whatever emotional circuitry gets you the most, and most needs to be worked through.Įvery one of us is attracted to a kind of type of person that stops us dead in our tracks. Scientists tell us that a silkworm can smell one other silkworm moth of the opposite sex from six and a half miles away. You instantly process this information without even knowing it. They begin to pick up obvious cues, like physique and facial structure, but they also register a huge amount of subtle cues, like body language, facial expression, the tightness or the looseness in the lips, the nuance of the voice, the muscles in the eyes and around the eyes, and what they tell us. When you encounter someone for the first time, your psyche and your heart begin an astonishingly complex scan. But, when I first saw him as a complete stranger from across the room, I had no idea that that would be true.” Our attractions are forged in the deep space of our beingĪnd they’re born of countless, and often unknowable, forces. I can go to a party and there is always one person I am most attracted to and, if I date him, within a few weeks or a few months, I discover that he has the same attributes as the guy before him, and the one before him. There was a woman I knew, a young stockbroker from Chicago whose name was Deb, and she said to me once: “You know, it’s just almost magical.
Boi we need to go deeper full#
And I call it the attraction spectrum.Įvery time you enter into a room full of people, you make choices based on your attractions. So, we can begin by creating a kind of measuring stick for our attraction, sexual and romantic. And these are lessons that we are not taught. Let’s discover how that change can happen, because if you learn to educate your attractions, you will be on the course to happy, fulfilling love. Not quickly, but like if you picture a giant ship in the ocean needing to turn, that turn happens gradually, but it happens. In my own life, and after working with thousands of people, I’ve learned that sexual and romantic attractions can change. The attraction spectrum Sexual attraction and romantic attraction lives on a spectrum They are the very same skills you’re going to use to keep passion alive in your next serious relationship. They are the lifelong skills of romance and intimacy. And these are not gimmicks that I’m going to be teaching you. Even if you are relentlessly attracted to the bad boys and the bad girls, or unavailable people, you can still develop this capacity. In today’s episode, I’m going to share some ways to cultivate sexual and romantic attraction to people who are good for you and available. The 2019 Enrollment period to work directly with Ken closes on May 30th: Before We Start: Consider Working With Ken
Even though our sexual attraction cannot be forced, and cannot be controlled, they can be educated. But, there’s something profound that most of us have never been taught. Most of us have learned that the hard way. We can’t force ourselves to be attracted to someone we’re not attracted to, just because that person is good for us, it doesn’t work, and if we try, it’s going to put us and our partner through hell. Today we’re going to tackle what might be the most common struggle of all, in the world of dating. Have you ever felt like the people you’re most attracted to aren’t available or aren’t good for you? And that the people who are available and are good for you are just not the ones you’re attracted to? The Truth About Sexual Attraction That No One Discusses These are not gimmicks they are the lifelong skills of romance and intimacy the same skills you’ll use to keep passion alive in your next serious relationship. But what no one teaches us is that we can educate them! In this episode, I’m going to teach you how.Įven if you are relentlessly attracted to the bad boys and the bad girls, you can still develop this capacity. We all know we can’t force our sexual attractions.